PbyCj

This past week, I’ve been under the weather. I am healed in Jesus name, but it was just enough to throw me off my game. You know how it is — you have plans, ideas, goals for the time you’re off, but then life says, not today. Now that I’m on the recovering side of things, I’ve been reflecting on a few things. My birthday just passed, we’re about to step into a new year, and I found myself asking the question: What’s the real difference?

What’s going to be different this time around? I’ve been here before — hyped up, motivated, ready to tackle the world — only to fall short when it comes to consistency and putting in the work. So, I asked myself, What’s the difference? What will really change this time?

The Struggle to See

This past week, I’ve been listening to a self-help audiobook. It’s one of those long ones — 15 hours or so — and I’ve been through it a couple of times already. Still, nothing’s clicking. It’s like I hear the words, but they’re not landing. So, I bought the physical book, thinking maybe seeing the words would help. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

It’s not that the concepts don’t make sense; it’s that I can’t quite see how to apply them to my life. And then they release a follow-up book — a step further into the same concepts — and it feels even more out of reach. Why am I even listening to this when I haven’t figured out the first one?

But I kept going. I started the new book on a drive, letting the words flow over me, not expecting much. And then something shifted.

The Power of Choice

This morning, I had somewhere to be early. I hadn’t prepared the night before, so when my alarm went off at 5 a.m., I looked at the clock and thought, If I get up now, I’ll be on time. But I didn’t get up. I chose to go back to sleep. And that choice? It made me late.

I didn’t like being late. I didn’t like the excuses I started running through in my mind. But as the day went on, a thought hit me like a ton of bricks: Every decision I made today was a choice.

From the moment I opened my eyes, I’ve been making choices. I chose to ignore the clock. I chose to wake up later than I should have. And all those choices added up to where I found myself — running behind, frustrated, and out of sync with what I said I wanted.

It was sobering.

Because here’s the truth I had to face: I’m exactly where I want to be. Not where I say I want to be, but where my choices have led me.

Living on Default

That’s a hard pill to swallow. To realize that I’ve been living on default, accepting life as it comes, instead of making deliberate choices to create the life I say I want.

You mean to tell me that I have a choice?

All this time, I’ve been choosing the opposite of what I’ve been saying. I’ve been saying one thing and doing another, and my life reflects those choices, not my words.

Moving Into the New Year

So, as I head into this new year, I’m sitting with this realization: everything I experience is either something I’ve made happen or allowed to happen. That’s a tough truth, but it’s also empowering.

I have a choice. Every day. Every moment. I have a choice to align my actions with my words, my habits with my goals, my life with my dreams.

No more default. No more autopilot. I have a choice. And now, I have to decide what to do with that.

What about you? What choices are you making today?