PbyCj

I may have to talk kind of loud on here just to be heard, but yeah, it is going on the third week of February already, and I’m just processing everything. Things can really hit you like—Whoa, are you serious right now? Wow, you’re really gonna do that to me right now? (My battery was dying). But okay, no problem. I’ll take advantage of what I have.

So yeah, third week of February, and I realized I hadn’t actually sat down and written out what my goals are—between three to five solid ones—or even taken the time to really ask myself: What am I believing God for? I haven’t done that. I didn’t plan. I mean, I had goals, things I perceived as goals, but did I write them out? Did I make them real? Not really.

One of my goals was to release my ebook. Yesterday was my deadline. Yesterday was the day I was supposed to release it—and I didn’t. I didn’t finish it. And I don’t even feel like I failed, but I do know I didn’t complete it.

I made some good progress. I really did try to have a schedule, to write, to stay focused. But writing is not easy. At all. It takes energy that I’ve completely underestimated. The focus it requires? The discipline? Yeah, I’d love to just write whenever, however, but that’s not how it works. And I had to temporarily push it to the background because there were other things—other responsibilities, other demands on my mind. I didn’t realize just how much having the mental space, the freedom to just sit and think, affects writing.

Last night, even though my release date had passed, I still sat down and started typing up what I had handwritten. Because I handwrite first. It’s different. It’s a more direct connection from my heart to the page. Typing is fine, but handwriting? That’s pure. That’s real. I was handwriting this whole time, and when I finally started typing it up—at, like, 11 o’clock at night—I only got through the first page before I fell asleep.

But in that moment, just reviewing what I had already written, I was reminded why I’m writing this in the first place. Oh, this is why I’m doing this. This is the whole point I’m trying to share. Because I know someone out there, somewhere, is going to read it and be helped by it. And that’s one of the reasons I share what I write.

One, because I have to write.

Two, because if it can help someone else, then that’s a blessing, too.

So just pray that I can focus and get this completed. I was going to have it up for sale on Amazon and all that, but honestly? I think I’m just going to make it available on my website. If someone wants to read it, they can. If they’re blessed by it, they can share it with others. And I’ll just go from there.

I’m not gonna trip. I’ll try again.

Hopefully, this came through clear because I’m outside, the wind is blowing, birds are chirping, airplanes are in the sky, cars are passing, people are talking… but I appreciate having this space to step back and process.