PbyCj

Okay, I think I kind of touched on this a little bit in a blog from last month — the one about cute and cozy and finding a style and stability or whatever it was I called it. But today, I was just thinking about it more. About how, to me, I’ve spent a lot of time somewhere between being fashionable and being completely unfashionable.

I am not a big shopper. I don’t like department stores. They just don’t do anything for me. I’m a big if I can’t eat it, I don’t need it person. Honestly, I’m more likely to buy something alive — like my isopods — online than I am to purchase clothes. That’s just the truth. So shopping? Not my thing.

But somehow, in the eyes of other people, I look like I really have it together — like I have this crafted fashion sense. When really, I put very little thought into what I actually wear. I literally just wake up, put clothes on, and go. I don’t think about matching, or if something “goes” together. In fact, I have an ongoing inner dialogue with myself about it:

Does it match?

Does it matter?

No one cares.

That’s where my mind goes. No one is paying that close attention, so why should I care? That’s been my thought process for years. But apparently… people do notice, because I got called a liar the other day.

Someone told me, “You’re lying,” when I said I don’t really think about my outfits or put them together like that. I didn’t even get the chance to respond because there was so much going on in the moment. But let me just say now: I wasn’t lying.

I really do just put clothes on. What I did do, though — and I see it now — is that I built a system around it.

I have a Pinterest board where I pin styles I like. I’ve had a visual of what appeals to me for a while now. But it’s not like I sit there hunting down each item, actively trying to recreate outfits. Nope. When I do shop (which is, at best, semi-annual), I shop in bulk. And y’all know by now — I shop thrift. Heavy. I go in, get everything at once, and I don’t step foot into a store again for months.

I love the idea of being able to buy so much for so little. There’s no way I could walk into a regular retail store and walk out with bags of stuff for what I spend thrifting. I get plenty of clothing, spend hardly anything, and half the time the dry cleaning costs more than the clothes themselves.

Even when I dropped off my dry cleaning recently, the guy at the counter was like, “Oh, I haven’t seen you in two years!” Not true — it had been maybe four months. But that just goes to show — people’s perception of time, and even presence, is so interesting.

And maybe that’s part of the misunderstanding. I spent years not having any new clothes. Wearing the same exact outfits every week. Wearing the same shoes until they were done. Repeating, rotating, surviving. I didn’t know how to put things together. But somewhere along the way, without trying, without forcing it, I changed.

I remember — maybe about five years ago — I actually wrote down one of my desires:

“I want to be fashionable.”

I knew nothing about it at the time. And honestly, I still don’t know much. So, don’t ask me for fashion tips, color palettes, or shoe recommendations — I have no idea. I literally still just… put clothes on. But somewhere between then and now, without actively chasing it, that desire was fulfilled. It’s wild when I stop and really look at it.

Which leads me to something I think needs more attention when we talk about goals:

Passive Goals.

We always hear about setting SMART goals — Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely — and that’s good. I believe in that too. But there’s another layer I’m noticing in my own life: desires that live quietly in the background. Desires that aren’t on a deadline. Desires that, over time, somehow still get fulfilled.

Like my isopods. Like my spider. Those weren’t random. I liked them quietly, admired them from afar for a long time before I ever actively pursued getting them. And when I did, it felt completely natural — like it had been in the works all along.

Now, when I look in the mirror, I see the things I once only hoped for. Fashion? Maybe. A quiet confidence? Definitely. The little dreams that didn’t scream for attention but still shaped me? Absolutely.

And I’m thankful. I’m thankful to recognize it, to see it, and to say it out loud.

So yes, set your active goals. Crush them. Build them SMART if you want.

But don’t overlook the passive ones.

The soft ones.

The ones that move through you and shape your life even while you’re busy living it.

Because that’s pretty cool.

That’s really cool.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4