“My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.” Psalms 139:15-16 NKJV
Last year about the end of March I started what I call “the unveiling process.” Meaning I started to be open and honest with God and myself about the issues in my heart. I am a person that can be considered a “prayer warrior” however, I found that I could pray about external things very easily but when it came to inner things, I did not want to go there at all.
I was hiding in prayer. I was hiding areas of myself from God and myself. I had believed for some reason that God didn’t care about all of me. I later found that it was really my own thoughts projecting that idea and not the truth.
So, I started the process. I did this through writing. In fact, as I write this I know that I can’t get away without writing today. In writing or journaling, I really was able to see exactly what was going on with my heart.
What was going on in my heart? All sorts of things I had no idea about until I made it plain. I found that I really didn’t believe God the way I thought I did. I did not believe that He loves me. Or that He loves all of me. I also didn’t trust Him enough to be open and honest about not so pretty things about me. The thing is, I have had the desire to want to die for some time and I spent a good portion of my existence not seeing the value of my life. I truly believed that I wasn’t going live past a certain age.
All of that time believing that lie had done much damage to my mind, heart and soul. I really needed deliverance and healing from a number of things that are tide to that desire.
It was like a war really. I no longer have that desire but at the time, I see now that I was dealing with old nature vs new nature. I had to deal with my heart because I could no longer make progress. My heart still had all of the old baggage, damage and to speak plainly—evil.
SEEN is my new journal that will be released on amazon.com soon. It is a journal for openness and honesty with God and oneself. There is also my process in the mist of the journal, I share to encourage others to believe and trust God. He already knows everything about us.
My personal process is available for preorder now: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09PJY14WN?ref_=pe_3052080_276849420
Leave a comment