PbyCj

What is this thing?

The more I create, the more I create. It’s crazy. I’m just having a moment, looking back at some of my short stories—things I wrote years ago—and remembering how it all started. When I first stepped out to write creatively, beyond the usual things I wrote, I had no idea what I was doing. No idea what to do with myself or the things that would pour out when I sat down to write.

One of those things was Eve Apple.

It came out of me whether I liked it or not, and honestly? I didn’t like it. I didn’t like what I was writing because it was tied to things I had already moved past. It was rooted in a time when I struggled with depression and intrusive thoughts, and even though I wasn’t in that place anymore, that was the story that came out.

And I couldn’t escape it.

That’s the thing about writing for me—I don’t go searching for ideas. I don’t sit down and think, Hmm, what would be a good story? No, I write what’s inside of me. I have things queued up, waiting, and they demand to be written. That’s just how it works.

So there I was, with Eve Apple—which, at first, I thought was going to be a novel. That was the goal. But no. It didn’t come out like that. Instead, it took shape as a collection of poems, short stories, and art. A mix of everything. And somehow, it all fit together. At least, it made sense to me.

But here’s the funny part—I published it, but I didn’t promote it. Because I didn’t want anyone to read it.

I didn’t like the content. I didn’t like what was being said. I didn’t like anything about it. So I just put it out there and then went ghost. I left it sitting in the world but never talked about it.

Yet, looking back, I’m so thankful I did it. Because that was my first step. That was me stepping out of my comfort zone, taking the risk, putting my work into the world—even when I wasn’t proud of it. And now? I see it differently. I understand why it needed to happen, and I understand myself more as a writer.

And then there’s Waterman Avenue.

That short story? Cracks me up. I read it the other day, and I was laughing all the way through. And that’s when it hit me—one of the reasons I write creatively is because I want to read what I write. And that is hard to find sometimes. But when I go back and read my own work, I enjoy it. Because it’s my sense of humor, my perspective, my voice.

I said the other day that I might be writing for an audience of one. And if that’s the case? That’s fine. Because I am that audience, and I’m enjoying it.

So no, I’m not necessarily encouraging anyone to go read Eve Apple. I’m still not promoting it. But I am acknowledging that it was what I had at the moment, and I used it.

Next week, I’m sharing a few short stories from it—Escape and Waterman Avenue. And you know what? I like them. They’re good.

And that’s enough.