PbyCj

One thing I’m noticing—maybe it’s always been this way and I’m just now waking up to it—is how easy it is to assume that just because something worked before, it’s gonna work again. I’m mainly talking about my educational journey, because whew. This last class? It’s been a mess. And I mean that with all due respect.

In my previous course, I was locked in. Focused. Motivated. I understood the assignment—literally. I didn’t need to hype myself up or get fancy with my planning. I just showed up and got it done. But this class? Opposite. I’ve been unmotivated, disengaged, uninterested, and honestly? Annoyed.

The topic—Emerging Media—felt more like a digital marketing 3.0 situation than a communication course. Social media analysis, AI integrations, platform tools, persona crafting… it’s all feeling a bit gimmicky to me. And I’m not trying to be shady, but I didn’t sign up to become an online brand consultant. That’s not what I’m here for.

When I decided to pursue this master’s in Strategic Communication, I thought I’d be diving into the art of communicating—you know, human-to-human, real-time, day-to-day stuff. Eye contact. Presentation skills. Clarity in conversation. Navigating conflict. The science and art of language, not managing a Twitter handle or running campaign metrics. I thought I’d be developing my ability to speak, to be understood, to lead, to connect in rooms where people aren’t just scrolling but actually listening.

Instead, I feel like I’m being dragged into a world I didn’t sign up for. And it’s not even that I can’t do the work—I can. I use AI. I know how to pull insights and structure posts and optimize content. I’m not behind the curve. I just don’t care about this curve. That’s the real issue. And when I don’t care? It’s hard to engage. It’s hard to show up. And here we are, Saturday night with four weeks of work due tomorrow.

I think what’s making this even harder is the internal disappointment. Disappointment in what this course is and isn’t. Disappointment in my reaction to it. I tried, early on, to find something I could connect with—some motivation to push through—but it’s been a struggle. I’m not trying to sell anything. I’m not trying to become an influencer or a content strategist. I’m just trying to learn how to be better at the conversations that matter. I want to study language, study speech, study people.

And this is where it gets real. Because this isn’t my first attempt at a master’s program. I’ve had a rocky road with higher education—good programs, bad timing, internal battles. And that’s part of this too. The internal work. If I don’t deal with the inner stuff, the outer stuff is always going to feel impossible. And in this moment, I have to admit that I’ve let that disappointment sit too long. I’ve let it block me. I haven’t made space in my heart to move past it.

Now, with a few hours left before everything is due, I don’t have time for a pity party. I just have to tap into something deeper. The end goal: finish the degree. And from there? I can seek out what I really want to learn. Maybe there’s another class, maybe a workshop, maybe something outside this program altogether that’s aligned with the art and science of real communication.

So yeah, this post isn’t just a release. It’s a reclaiming. Of my voice. Of my why. And of the power to be honest about what isn’t working—and still move forward anyway.

Let’s see what I can pull off before midnight tomorrow – transparent & focusing on the good in real time.