PbyCj

So again, I was trying to write this down, but I wasn’t really in a situation where I could do pen to paper. Still, I was overwhelmed by the creative stasis I found myself in yesterday—which I’m still very much in. It’s overwhelming, but in a good way. And I’m recognizing it now as God’s presence. His anointing. It’s strong right now.

I’ve been doing this all wrong. I’ve been trying to think and be a certain way when God didn’t create me to fit into a box. Or to fit someone else’s way. That right there—how much time I’ve spent doubting God’s gift inside me simply because I didn’t understand it. Because I was always looking for validation or an explanation. And when you don’t get that, you start questioning the very thing that makes you… you.

I’ve been creating since I was a teenager—drawing abstract things before I even knew what abstract art was. I just thought it was gibberish. Because I didn’t sit down with an image in mind, or an idea that made sense. I’d just let it flow. Pen to paper. Whatever came out, came out. And because I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t think it meant anything. And when I shared it, no one had an answer either. So I dismissed it. I devalued the very thing God gave me because it didn’t look like what others were doing.

A few years ago, I really started taking it seriously. Being an artist. Being a writer. Embracing the fact that no matter what I do, I cannot get away from it. It’s in my DNA. And the art I make—especially my drawings—comes from the inside. I create from the heart. And to think I didn’t value that for so long just blows my mind now.

It’s all connected. The challenges, the delays, the things I haven’t done yet—all of it. I’ve been trying to solve it with logic or systems or structure, but the truth is, I have to create my way through it. I need to stop separating my creative self from my professional self. School, business, work—it’s all connected. And the reason I’ve been stuck in some areas is because I’ve been trying to force myself to work like someone I’m not.

I had this realization today: the same way I operate in professional spaces, I need to bring my creativity into those spaces too. I’ve compartmentalized my life so much that it’s made progress harder. But now I know—I have to create through the process. Not around it. Not after it. Through it.

There’s a side of me I forget about all the time: the artist. I mention often how I write because I have to and because I want to, but I forget about the part of me that draws. That creates. Yesterday’s creative wave reminded me of who I really am. I was looking back at some of my 2014 drawings—very heavy-handed work. And the thing is, I don’t recreate. I don’t try to draw the same thing twice. Whatever comes out, comes out once. It’s a one-time thing. And that era of art… I really liked it. I haven’t been in that space for a while. But it reminded me: this is my life. This is part of me.

I create from life. I’m not just a business person. I’m not just a student. I’m a creator. That tracks—because I was created by The Creator. The One who made everything. And He gave me this gift: to draw, to write, to create.

So yeah, I was doing it wrong. I don’t need to wait for a moment that looks right. I just have to create from where I am. Create through it.

And that’s the revelation.